INTRO
Being single in modern society is both fun and difficult
Advantages: freedom, new experiences, not being tied down
Challenges: most people desire companionship, even if casual
We’ll reverse social convention and talk about the boys first…
MEN’S EXPERIENCE IN MODERN DATING
Average men rarely match with women they find attractive on dating apps unless he is very, very good looking (9/10)
High rates of flaking and ghosting after initial contact
In-person approaches more difficult due to social anxiety, and because women often don’t give guys the chance to shoot their shot
The most attractive women are often easiest to talk to and date, which is odd
Men face negative assumptions until proven otherwise
Unrealistic financial expectations compared to previous generations
Women’s rising economic/educational achievement narrows the pool of “successful” men
WOMEN'S EXPERIENCE IN MODERN DATING
Desired men are often non-committal, especially post-intimacy
Many men lack maturity and independence ("grown children looking for a mom")
Men often lack sophistication, interests, and clear direction in life
Substance abuse issues are common
Many men seem unprepared for marriage/fatherhood despite claiming to want it
Poor grooming and self-care compared to women's efforts
Political differences create additional compatibility challenges
THE CROSS-PURPOSES PROBLEM
Men experience scarcity of attractive partners
Women experience scarcity of quality relationships
Dating apps amplify these issues:
Men lower standards for more opportunities
Women match with attractive men who won't commit
Women are targeting the top 10-20% best looking and most successful men
Evolutionary factors: women's attractiveness peaks earlier, men’s “quality” develops with age
Age gaps in relationships often make sense but face social scrutiny
ACTIONABLE ADVICE
Release gender-based resentment; it’s counterproductive and unattractive
Communicate clearly and kindly:
Be direct about disinterest
Stay optimistic and prioritize in-person meetings over apps
Help friends meet potential partners through introductions and social events
CONCLUSION
Most people are fundamentally good and seeking connection
Bad dating behavior poisons the environment for everyone
Personal coaching available for those struggling—jallengetbetter@gmail.com
KEY QUOTES TO HIGHLIGHT
"Unless he's a 9 or 10, he is rarely matching with women on dating apps he finds attractive."
"Modern women assume you are loser until proven otherwise."
"Men are geared to be attracted to women who are fertile, and women are geared to be attracted to men with status, who can provide and protect."
"Where men lack for opportunity, women lack optionality—both with the type of people they desire most."
"Don't carry your frustrations with you when dating, because it will come across to the other person, and it's a HUGE turnoff."
You can get in touch with me at jallengetbetter@gmail.com, DM me on Substack, follow me on IG, or drop a comment below. If you like what I’m doing, please share this with a friend or family member who needs to GetBetterSoon, and if you really like what I’m doing, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This will give you access to all of my posts and podcasts, and a free hour consult on anything you want to talk about. Thanks again for your support!
Share this post