Guy Game 101: Meeting Women IRL
How to Demonstrate Value and What We Mean by "Game"
Gentlemen, start your engines!
Too corny? Well don’t worry, the rest of this won’t be. In this post, we’ll cover the basics of how to meet attractive women you come across in-person, and get their number if they’re interested. Post on how to set up the date and put your best foot forward to follow in short order.
Note: read or listen to Where to Start if You’re Single and How to Use Dating App Effectively. If you’re socially anxious and this all sounds terrifying, check out my post on Winning the Battle Against Social Anxiety. Very relevant here.
The Blunt Truth About The Sexual Marketplace
Before we get into tactics, let’s acknowledge the plain truth of being a single man in today’s society: it’s very difficult if you don’t have your shit together and/or don’t know what you’re doing. Women are pickier than they ever have been because they all have unlimited access to men via dating apps and social media. As noted on the podcast, the top 10% best looking guys get 60+% of ALL ATTENTION from women on dating apps, the top 20% get 80+%, and the top 40% get 99%. In other words, if you don’t take care of your fitness, health, looks, and financial success, you’re effectively invisible to women, especially the most attractive women.
The good news is that nearly any man can get himself into a position where he can be successful with women. As picky as women can be, if you meet their looks/status threshold, they will go on dates with you and give you a shot, and if you have strong social skills and learn to build attraction on dates, many will be more than happy to continue seeing you, whether you’re looking for a girlfriend, long term relationship, or something more casual.1
When I say threshold, what does this mean? It means you are fit, with strong muscles and less than 20% body fat, and it means you make enough money to not live with your parents—even better if you can afford a place with no roommates, although this can be tough when you’re younger.2 It means you are well dressed and well groomed: you were fitted, stylish clothing, have a haircut that complements your face, are clean shaven or have a well-trimmed beard or mustache, plus shave your neck hair, pluck your eyebrows, trim your nose hair, and keep your nails neat and clean.3 If that sounds like a lot, get the fuck over it. Women spend way more time than that keeping themselves looking sexy, so they expect at least some effort on our part.
No excuses either for my short kings, young guys, or old guys out there—maybe some portion of women won’t date you for these reasons, but plenty will, so dismiss any limiting beliefs you have about why you can’t be successful with women. As long as you have reasonable standards, you will find women who are interested in you. Nearly any guy, if he presents himself as described above, can be a male 6 or 7, and that is good enough to meet the threshold for most women, provided you back it up with social skills, or what I will now refer to as Game going forward.
The Sales Cycle of Social Interactions
The success or failure of our social interactions are dictated by how we communicate, whether through the words we speak, the tone of our voice, or our body language. We can also use timing to our advantage—a simple example is the cadence of communication for my sales job: Once I’ve sent an initial email or made a phone call, I want to follow up often enough that the person knows I will be consistent in my communication, but not so often that I make myself a nuisance or piss them off.
What’s our goal in communicating? Whatever it is, we need to communicate in such a way that delivers the best opportunity to accomplish our goal, or that allows us to get to “no” fast enough that we’re not wasting our time chasing dead leads.
With women, the goal is simple: we want to get a date. In order to do that, we have to move through five steps.