Guy Game 110: how to be attractive to (most) women.

What it looks like to be a desirable, high-quality man.

Women want to date high quality men. Duh.

But what does that mean? What does he look like? We’ll come to that in a moment, but let’s acknowledge first, men today have a much higher bar to clear than in the past, and it’s important to understand why that is:

1. A woman’s primary goal in the past—let’s say roughly anytime before the 90s—was to find a man to marry. Now her primary goal is to do all the things: travel, enjoy her 20s, go to college, get a good job, and then get married—maybe? To put this in sales terms: women are still buyers, but they’re not the urgent, enthusiastic buyers they use to be.

   

2. A recently study found that when women think of what it means for a man to be financially successful, it’s that he could provide the kind of life she had as a kid (the life her dad provided), which for most women, means home ownership. But this forgets that her dad bought a house when the average price was $150K in the 90s, not the $450K it is now (see above). Most men can’t measure up to the wealth of most women’s fathers—not because we’re lazy bums, but because the cost of everything, especially housing and college, have increased massively.

3. Dating apps and social media distort the standards of physical attraction, both in terms of women desiring better looking men, AND believing they are better looking and more desirable than they actually are. More on that here. TL;DR—a big reason dating has gotten harder is that standards have been inflated: many women think they should date someone significantly hotter than they are, and that’s never going to work, which is why they either get ignored or ghosted by the men they want. Men do this too, but they just get ignored because they’re not HQ and women don’t want them.

So yes, it’s harder than it used to be guys, you’re not wrong in that perception.

The good news however, is that nearly all men can clear the bar if they’re willing to work on themselves, and the wonderful thing is that once you clear this bar, dating gets way easier as you start to enjoy some optionality with women. This is the irony inherent in modern dating: women’s standards force men to up their game, but the men who do this experience abundance with women and become less apt to commit to a relationship. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It will be harder for some. If you’re on the short side, or too old/too young relative to the woman’s taste, your path to glory will be more difficult. But these challenges can be overcome through a combination of volume and skill—getting more and better opportunities by learning to meet women IRL, and learning how to build attraction on dates.¹ The caveat is to remember, just like women who are too picky, men who don’t have reasonable expectations will be single most, if not all of the time. Blonde 10s are rare—and your qualities as a man will have to be rare indeed to date one—but there are lots of attractive women out there if you don’t expect an Instagram Bop.

So let’s talk about that bar and what you need to do to clear it:

The five qualities of a high value man

A) You need to have a good job, or a path to a good job. YOU DON’T NEED TO BE RICH! The beautiful thing about women making more money is that they’re not nearly as concerned with how much you earn—despite the noise you hear on social media and or from your favorite black-pill influencers. Money is a great thing to have, but it’s no guarantee you’ll get laid: there are lots of very rich men out there who can’t, and either have to pay for it, or hire a dating coach to help.

What is a good job? It’s a job that pays you enough to afford your own apartment, own a car (unless you live in a place like NYC or SF where it’s impractical), and pay for an adult lifestyle—probably $70K at the low end, depending on the city. If you can afford your own place, congrats, you’re an adult man...until you can do this, you’re a boy. Men, as a rule, don’t have roommates.

Second, it’s a job where you can advance in pay and position, either through your current company, or by leveraging your value with other companies. Since I left teaching, I’ve tripled my salary in less than three years. Find an industry where you can thrive and advance.

B) You need to be physically fit. This means muscularity and less than 20% body fat—preferably 15%. This might be the hardest part: 15% BF is LEAN!² But trust me, if you have a great body (I’ve had it, and I’ve also not—the difference is an order of magnitude), everything you do with women is easier. And this is entirely within your control: everything is trackable. If you lift regularly, count calories, get on the scale, and do some sort of cardio or HIIT training, anyone can do this. For guys who are shorter, this is how you win against the tall dudes. For guys who are older, this is how you win against the young bros.

C) You need to dress well. This doesn’t have to be complicated. You could wear nothing but black jeans and plain black T-shirts with black converse All-Stars as an extreme example. I’d recommend something more varied, but wearing fitted, stylish clothing, especially if you’re in good shape, will make you attractive to most women—even if you’re not a super handsome guy!

D) You need to be intelligent and thoughtful. This is a bit harder because it’s subjective, but it means being able to talk about the world and demonstrate knowledge without yelling, getting mad, spouting politics, or being crass. Best way to do this IMO is to read good literature, talk about books, watch good movies, etc. A lot of this is also just being a social person and having good conversations. One excellent way to show you’re intelligent and thoughtful is by asking good, interesting questions and listening intently to what people say. Last point: an intelligent person should be able to understand and argue for things he doesn’t believe. For example, I’m a full supporter and believer in capitalism, but I’ve read the Communist Manifesto and I understand Marx’s critiques (some of them have indeed come to pass). Intelligence is understanding that very little of life is black and white, while maintaining the ability to make clear decisions and get shit done.

E) You need to possess some combination of competence, skill, and a fun lifestyle. Things like being able to cook well, having a great set up for boating or camping, being good at skiing, snowboarding, paddle-boarding, pickle-ball, tennis, and other sports, hosting parties, having an exciting social circle, the ability to travel, being a teacher or mentor in some form or fashion, having a cool side-hustle, going to lots of festivals and concerts, etc. When women say they want a guy who has his shit together, this is what they mean. This will also help you in terms of coming off intelligent and thoughtful.

Obviously, once you do all these things, you still have to meet women somehow, whether through dating apps, social media, social circle, or cold approach. More on these modalities in Guy Game 103: The Numbers Game.

If you can manage to do these things, most women will find you attractive (not all, because women are far more prone to have “types” than men, and no matter how badass you are, you may just not be her type). Many will be willing to go on a date with you, some will want to fuck you, and some of those will want to make you their BF. Then it’s up to you. And that’s really all any guy can ask for.

The other important thing to remember is that you should want to do these things for yourself! Getting a good job, staying fit, dressing well, having a fun lifestyle, and being an intelligent and thoughtful person is good—for you!

I will elaborate on each aspect identified above, but those posts will be for paid subs only. Remember, if you’ve paid for a subscription, I owe you an hour consult—we can definitely talk dating if you want! Hit me up!

Namaste my soon to be high quality men!

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You can get in touch with me at jallengetbetter@gmail.com, DMing me on Substack, follow me on IG, or dropping a comment below. If you like what I’m doing, please share this with a friend or family member who needs to GetBetterSoon, and if you really like what I’m doing, consider becoming a paid subscriber. This will give you access to all of my posts, the ability to comment on everything, and a free hour consult on anything you want to talk about. Thanks again for your support!

1. I’m convinced that the most attractive, highest quality women ARE NOT on dating apps. Why? Because they are doing social things all the time and have no issue meeting dudes.

2. My theory is that everyone expects to date the kind of person they could get if they were thin and fit—the problem is, most people aren’t, and yet they still have this expectation. The number one dating problem for most people is that they are too fat. Harsh, but true.