Eliminating Unforced Errors: The Fastest Way to Improve
One way to GetBetterSoon is to stop doing things that aren't working.
Tennis is a fantastic sport. I used to play all the time and need to get back into it—fantastic workout, an excuse to get outside, and because you need a partner to play, it’s inherently social. Win win win.
When I used to play more, the matches I’d play with my buddies could get pretty competitive, so I was always looking for an edge to get better. Like, even if I lost 6-1, 6-3, I was trying to lose less badly—that’s another cool thing about tennis: even if the other player is better, you can sorta play against yourself to see if you can improve, despite the fact they’ll still probably beat you.
Anyway, what I figured out quickly was that one of the fastest ways I could get better was to cut down on my unforced errors. An unforced error, for those not familiar, is when your opponent hits a ball that’s returnable, but you hit it into the net or out of bounds. It’s critical to avoid these mistakes, because as long as you keep returning the ball over the net and in bounds, the point goes on, and then it’s your opponent who has to perform, and perhaps he will make the error, or you’ll have a clear shot to hit a winner.
This is how Rafael Nadal and Andre Agassi played—they didn’t go for winners as much, but they would just constantly return the ball, and eventually their opponents would make a mistake. Even better, by extending the duration of every point, their opponents eventually got tired, and because Nadal and Agassi knew they were in better shape than most guys, this led to a huge advantage by the third or fourth set.
But this doesn’t just apply to tennis! Like so many things, it applies to anything we do in life, and just as in tennis, cutting down on our unforced errors is often the fastest way to improve our lives writ large.
Unforced Errors in Dating
A good example where eliminating unforced errors will lead to a massive improvement is dating. Now that we have dating apps, most women don’t lack for options of men to date—they have plenty of matches, and can go on lots of dates. The problem, for any woman who’s single, is that these matches and dates don’t lead to what she wants: most often a committed, long-term relationship.
The best solution is to eliminate her unforced errors. She should examine the types of men she’s choosing to date, what happens on those dates, and then why either she or the guy isn’t wanting to continue the connection. If we have lots of opportunities in any aspect of life, but are failing to convert, the only solution is to change what we’re doing—when I was playing baseball in college and went through a slump, it wasn’t that I wasn’t getting at-bats, it’s that I wasn’t hitting the ball hard. So I needed to fix something. Was there a loop in my swing? Was my stride too long? Was I swinging at first pitch breaking balls? Likewise, women who are single need to fix something. For example, if she flakes on dates regularly, it’s a 100% guarantee she’s going to miss out on a lot of guys who would make great partners. If she’s too picky, or has too many non-negotiables, she’s artificially limiting her supply of potential mates. Finally, if she’s forcing the issue of the relationship too soon, a lot of guys are going to pull the rip cord, because that bond takes time to build—we have to show the other person we are worthy of a relationship before we get it.
Most men have an entirely different problem: they lack for opportunities, or use the excuse that because women have high standards, it’s an impossible exercise, and so fail to give themselves a shot by never becoming the sort of man women desire. A lot of men are also terrified of rejection—as a dating coach this is the most common unforced error men make, because women like men who are bold and don’t shrink from challenges. As I’ve pointed out in another post, rejection for men is both to be expected, and completely irrelevant. Stings, but that’s the only bad part. There are literally no other negative downstream consequences when a woman chooses to pass. Her loss fellas! Move on and go talk to more girls!
Eliminate Unforced Errors Where You Want to Improve
Many of these are totally obvious. Getting in better shape is a great example. Being thin and fit is 80% diet, 20% exercise. I know this well, because I’ve always been fairly active, and yet throughout my life, my weight has fluctuated. Why? Diet.
Unforced errors we make when it comes to diet: eating sugar, drinking too much, portion size, snacking, eating out instead of cooking our own healthier meals, etc. Instead of making a huge change in your diet, or trying to exercise it all away, eliminate a few of the above and it will make a massive difference, especially long term.
Trying to get a job, or a better one? Examine your resume—is it as good as it can be? Is it specific to the jobs you’re applying for? Have a few friends look it over, or even better, find someone who’s an executive who has to hire lots of people, and ask them. Are you applying to enough jobs? Often, getting a new job is simply a numbers game—apply enough and you’ll get one. It’s an unforced error to only apply for one or two a week. Get to 10 or 20 and see what happens.
Leverage Available Resources
Another type of unforced error is to fail to use the resources we have available. Let’s stay on jobs: do you know anyone who works at a company you’d like to work for? See if they have any openings and can get you an interview. It’s way easier to get a job when you have a foot in the door than it is to be the chosen rando among a million unknown applicants. Do you have a strong LinkedIn account? Do you have the “open to work” setting on so that recruiters and headhunters can see your profile? Are you using AI to help you edit your resume and write cover letters? Are you aware of the best job sites?
In the three years since I switched careers, I’ve leveled up my job twice, and I’ve gotten five people I know hired on to jobs through my connections—if you want some help, get in touch, I’ll leave my email at the end. To the point: how many people who read this and would like to get a job or better one, or know someone who needs a job or a better one, will actually email me or share this post with their someone? Probably less than 5%.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Other examples of accessing resources:
Want to start a new hobby or learn a new skill—find someone you know who can be a mentor, or just show you what they do. I know I’m always happy to teach someone how to fly fish or ski or cook. Most people are more than happy to help you, especially because you’re showing interest in what they love to do!
If you’re single, have you asked family or friends if they know anyone who might be a good match? Have you asked your social circle to look at your dating profile on the apps to see if there are places you might improve? Have you hired a photographer to take better photos for said profile, or asked friends to suggest ways you could alter your style to be more attractive?
Struggling with an issue like anxiety, depression, or addiction? I know these things can be hard to talk about, but reach out to friends, or if you prefer, talk to a counselor. Most companies have an EAP (employee assistance program) that will pay for you to get at least three sessions a year with a qualified mental health professional. Don’t go it alone!
Get the Fuck Off Your Fucking Phone!
I’ve already written about this, but a HUGE unforced error for many, if not most people, is that they are spending 5+ hours scrolling through their phone every day. That is literally time lost that you could be spend getting better or doing other more entertaining things!
Let’s be honest: most of the time we spend on our phones is entirely worthless. Did watching TikTok for two hours before bed really make you a better person? No. Sure, it was entertaining, but in the meantime, you’ve committed at least several unforced errors:
You didn’t go to bed when you ought to, so you’re going to be tired and less productive the next day.
You were probably exposed to a lot of horrible ideas that have no basis in reality, which will then instill self-limiting beliefs in your day-to-day life, and that has a compounding effect, like the stupid age gap discourse, or most of what drives identity politics and MAGA maoists—it’s like going down a rabbit hole where you get dumber exponentially.
By nature, social media is negative: it’s mostly people complaining or telling you that other people are bad because blah blah blah bullshit—this will not improve your outlook or your mood.
Stop wasting time on your phone—it’s clear now that these devices, while incredibly useful, also have a very dark side: heavy users are anti-social, anxious, and depressed. If you’re curious, check out Jonathan Haidt’s work.
Pay for Services that can Solve Your Problems
Too many people have an aversion to paying for anything, even if it’s cheap. Here’s the deal: if you complain about a problem, or something is bothering you regularly, but you aren’t willing to pay five or 10 bucks for a service or product that would help you solve the problem, that tells me it’s not that big of a problem, and you don’t really care to solve it.
This is precisely why my Male Dating Posts are behind a paywall—because if men won’t pay to access them, what’s the chance they’re actually going to do the hard work I outline in those posts? Zero. Like, if a bro can’t pony up $5 a month for information that will revolutionize his results when it comes to dating, he’s not going to actually try to talk to girls IRL, or lift weights, or execute my dating model, so there’s literally no point in my sharing it with him. By the way, these posts are each in excess of 3000 words, and I’ll be adding more soon—that’s a lot of information to leave on the table my guys!
But this is true for tons of people! How many of you, reading this now who would like to get in better shape, have ever hired a trainer? I bet it’s less than 10%. How many of you pay for services that make your job easier? I write all my own content, but I pay for Claude AI so I can have it edit my posts, and that saves me a ton of time, and improves the overall quality of the project.
Early on in life, my dad always told me: you get what you pay for. He’s right. So, if you don’t pay for anything, you get the free stuff and the results that come with it, which is typically shitty.
Help Other People!
Massive, massive unforced error. I’m currently listening to How to Make Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, and even though it’s super old timey, one thing in particular sticks out: people in the past were far more polite, gracious, kind, and willing to help one another. Excellent book for other reasons as well!
Today, it seems very few people are willing to help anyone—even their friends and family—and our default is to view other people with suspicion. This is a terrible way to go through life! Most people are good, and want to do and be good—so give them a chance. Help them if you can.
Why is this an unforced error? Because when you help other people, they will in turn, help you. How did I get into sales? Because one of my coaching clients suggested I’d be good at it. He even got me an interview with his company—I didn’t get it, but I at least had a shot, and it helped me figure out how to be a more successful salesperson going forward. And because I’ve helped others, I have people literally all over the world I can reach out to who will help me if they can.
In fact, I’m going to help someone right now: my friend from high school, David Brautigam, is an author, and one of his books is being made into a Netflix series. Buy his book—it’s good! If you like that one, read his others. Follow him on IG and support him! Check out the series when it comes out!
Helping others is the right thing to do, but by doing so we are also helping ourselves. Even if it’s just for good Karma. One time I gave my favorite jacket to a homeless man, because it was cold out and he needed it more than I did. Who knows what he’s doing now, but I’m forever glad I did that—my only regret is that I haven’t been that selfless more often. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be a positive protagonist, not a helpless victim.
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