What it Looks Like to be a Man in the Modern World

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I hate to get this personal on here. Like, I want to share my experiences with the audience, but it puts me in a vulnerable position that is…uncomfortable, to say the least. However, what follows is worth sharing, because it’s indicative of a larger cultural problem—and I’m not the first to have noticed it.

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I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex-girlfriend won’t let me see our dog. On the thread, I just stated that I wanted to see my little Evie dog again, and take her for a long hike like we used to do, nothing crazy.

Just a dude being honest and sad about not getting to see his pup. Here was the response online, almost immediately:

It was the perfect trap (Slytherin 🐍), because it was an honest, heartfelt post—I really do miss my dog—and yet I FUCKING KNEW some awful person would say something like this, which is why I replied as I did, before blocking her ass. How did I know it would work? Because it’s like dropping a pro Israel post on X or TikTok—you know you’re going to immediately elicit the worst kinds of comments from the worst kinds of online people, both the left and the right.

Here are the comments I got on Reddit:

Not as bad, but can we remember: this is a human being expressing distress and pain at not being able to see his dog! Would a woman receive these kinds of responses?

Of course not.

I love my Evie dog, and for the year we had her together, I took damn good care of her. I fed her most of her meals (every breakfast, because I was always the first to get up), took her for long, daily hikes at a local park where she could be off leash, and brought her in the car with me anytime I left the house—Evie loves to be on the move, doing something, going somewhere! I also regularly bought soup bones to make her a special low sodium bone broth to pour over her kibble so that her food was more nutritious and delicious.

And, despite the recent breakup of our relationship, up until a little over a month ago, I was still cooking meals for my ex, and after, we watched Survivor together, our favorite show. She is ghosting me now because, after my counselor told me to do so (confrontation and absolution and such), I told my ex-GF I felt abandoned. She left me when I was at a low point. And while it’s absolutely her right to leave, it’s also my right to tell her it fucking hurt.¹

So no, I didn’t do anything terrible. I’m just a normal person who wants to see his dog again.

This is why I wrote Girl Game: 101—because the default assumption by many people in our society is that men are bad, always wrong, always at fault. And if the man is always at fault for every relationship problem, women develop blind spots as to what their role was in the dysfunction. I wasn’t lying, as you can see, and it feels damn good to get immediate proof that’s the case. If you’re curious, here’s a deranged comment on that post I’ve since deleted and blocked—she actually posted the same thing three times for some reason:

Was it a joke? I don’t know, but this is the kind of totally disconnected mania you get if you note that women are adult humans equal in every way to men. And this casual misandry is super common. Check out this sign I saw in front of a business a few weeks back in Walnut Creek, CA:

Now, it’s fair to interpret this as all fun and games—a joke—but ask yourself: would a men’s clothing store be able to get away with this kind of message? Somehow I imagine, “she’ll never know if you fuck your secretary,” not going over so well on a sandwich board outside Men’s Warehouse.

One thing women forget is how often they collectively reject us. Like, the default answer when a guy shoots his shot is no. And even though the sting isn’t the same, the sheer volume of rejection men experience on dating apps is nothing short of jaw dropping. And like, this is just the way it is. It’s a woman’s prerogative to reject men she’s not interested in, and it’s a man’s obligation to deal with it—a lot of it—if he wants to be successful with women. But to suggest women just casually dump or cheat on men who’ve worked very hard and put in love, time, and energy into a relationship is pretty fucked up.

Now look, this isn’t a tragedy. This is not the true misogyny women faced throughout most of human history, nor even close to the racial discrimination humans have practiced against people who look different from the dawn of time.

And of course, men do bad things, and there’s a particular strain of man on the internet who’s a total asshole and say all kinds of terrible things about women, and to women on social media. Just remember these guys are losers, and the reason they hate women is because they can’t get women, and the reason they don’t deserve to—they aren’t willing to do the work it takes to become a high quality man. They are crabs in a bucket, and the best course of action is to conduct a block party.

But we need to stop pretending it’s the 1970s. It’s 2025: Women are doing better than men on every measure of economic success. And that’s great! Although I’d suggest we shouldn’t frame is as zero sum or a competition—we should want everyone to do well.

For me this isn’t just saying nice words—it’s action. Just yesterday, I spent an hour of my afternoon helping a young woman get a job through connections I have in my industry (I wrote about meeting her last month). I’m also currently helping another former female colleague get a new job as well, contacting with all my people on LinkedIn to try and help her get what she needs.² My current boss is a kick ass woman who tells it to me straight, pushes me to get better, and I love her for that. She’s an incredibly impressive person and I greatly appreciate her leadership willingness to teach me.

I love women. I need women. And I support women however I can when I have the opportunity to do so. Most men do!

But society needs to come to terms with the fact that we’ve become a misandrous culture, and men are complicit, whether it’s playing the simpy White Knight game, or going along to get along and pretending we deserve this or that it’s not happening at all.³ We assume the worst about men. We assume men are always at fault, disingenuous, deceptive. Like, I was attacked online for being sad I couldn’t see my dog. Because I’m a man. Think about how shitty that is. Think about how shitty it is for a retail clothing store to encourage women to cheat or break up with their boyfriends, even if as a lark.

And people are tired of it, especially moms—indeed any family member or friend who sees the young men in their lives struggling. They know their sons aren’t bad people, and yet, they see them struggling, despite doing everything we’ve told them to do. I didn’t vote for Trump, but a lot of men did. Why? Because society doesn’t care about them—especially young men. Democrats have a huge problem if they can’t figure this out.

I could list a bunch of statistics here, but I won’t. Men are in trouble. Go look it up if you don’t believe me. And this is a true FAFO moment for society. Because anyone who thinks society will continue to function well without men doing the grunt work we’ve always been asked to do is wildly naive. A society where only the top 20% of men can have romantic relationships with women, and where young men opt out of work and don’t become grown adults, is not a society in which anyone will want to live. But if we keep it up, that is where we’re heading.

As for me?

I miss my dog.

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1. I’d gained a lot of weight, was drinking too much, and though I was always kind and caring, I wasn’t showing up in the way she needed me to. So I get why she left, and I accept my responsibility for the mistakes I made in our relationship.

2. The fact I have to write this is evidence of the overall problem, but no, I don’t expect anything from either of them. I’m just trying to help because it’s the right thing to do, same as I would for anyone.

3. There’s a special place in hell for men like this, and women know it. The most likely guy to commit sexual assault or get rapey? It’s the white knight who’s super nice, squirms into her life through a series of favors unasked for, and then when they’re drinking at a house party, corners her in a moment of weakness.