Seven Essential Life Principles
Guidelines for those just getting started, those who are lost, or those who need a gentle reminder of where to aim their energy.
1) Become the protagonist of your own story.
Focus on what YOU can control, and accept that there’s a lot about life you can’t change. Think about life as a game: you can’t change the game, but you can change how you play it.
And where there are opportunities to change the game in a way that you support, do it! Protest, vote, run for office, join a committee at work, coach sports or teach art, etc. Just remember that some things will never change: science, math, and human nature are good examples—no one is ever going to argue men into thinking boobs are stupid, nor women into thinking muscles aren’t sexy.1
Also, once you become an adult—and this often happens too fast for a lot of kids—there are no heroes coming to save you. Only you can save yourself. Only you can be the master of your destiny.
There’s a great poem by Charles Bukowski called “nobody but you” on this very topic if you’re interested.
2) Discover your talents, abilities, and interests, but balance them with taking care of your long term future.
Discover what you’re good at and like to do.
When you’re young, try a variety of different things—especially things you don’t think you’d like, that are new, foreign, or exotic. But when you hit on something you really like, keep doing that thing! Double down! You’ll either eventually get bored, and then go try something else, or you’ll become a savant and have an edge on everyone else if you decide to turn it into a career.
Pursue what you're passionate about, but be aware that money matters, and sometimes what you’re passionate about won’t lead to a prosperous existence. My career in teaching is a perfect example: I loved teaching and was very passionate about it before things got complicated, but another reason I switched careers was that I realized I would never be able to afford a home if I remained in education (still working on that one).
Find the intersection between your skills, interests, and what it takes to earn a living you’re comfortable with—if this means you can make money doing the things you love, hell yeah! But it’s OK if that’s not the case too—for most of us it’s not going to be, and all that means is that your passion becomes a fulfilling hobby while your career provides financial stability.
3) Develop a strong work ethic and resilience; be willing to do hard things.
Life is hard. Some people are mean, you will confront unfair laws and rules, and their enforcement is often unequal. If you’re putting yourself out there, you will get rejected and fail—A LOT. You will commit unforced errors only to look back and think: how could I be so stupid? How could I have made such a terrible decision?
If my life is any evidence, that will happen many, many times. Hopefully it happens less to you, but rest assured, bad things will happen—whether it’s your fault, bad luck, or a combination of both. It’s a guarantee.
The most important thing you can learn is how to get back up, dust yourself off, and soldier on. Making mistakes and failing are often the best teachers, but they can’t you won’t learn anything if you let them hold you back. So persevere through the difficult times, hold on to your hope, and keep going. Use setbacks as a springboard to success. Also—if you need help, ask for it. Your friends and family want to help you. And hey, if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone else, you can always reach out to me.2
Discomfort is the price we pay to grow. The things most worth achieving rarely come easy.
4) Cultivate family ties, community, and strong relationships.
These are the people who will help you when life takes a turn for the worse.
No family is perfect, and some are undoubtedly more functional than others, but human nature endows us with love for those who share the bonds of blood. Chances are you have many people in your family who love you and will help you, especially if you show them you will do the same in return.
Beyond your family, develop community. Online communities are great, but those who gather in person are far more valuable.3 Likewise, cultivate strong friendships and romantic relationships based on trust, mutual understanding, shared experiences, and interests—again, those forged in real life tend to be far better than those born online.4
One common way of accomplishing the above is by getting married at some point and/or having children. Not for everyone, of course, but it comes with a structure for life that has a built-in purpose and reason to strive, grow, and succeed. It also essentially guarantees that you will have all three connections in your life: family, community, and strong relationships.
Last point on that: yes, children are a ton of work, and you will not always be stoked to be the one caring for them and putting their every need above your own, but people who don’t have them are missing out on an aspect of life that is so incredibly rewarding and beautiful. So as much as you might ask yourself: “do I really want kids?”—also ask yourself: “do I really want not want to have kids, and miss out on that experience?”
We should all try, sometimes, to think about what’s best in the long-run, because our default is to do what’s best right now.
5) Find purpose in having a mission, journey, or quest
Whatever you do and however you do it, keep your sights aimed at a larger purpose. People need a mission: an accomplishment to shoot for, a passion to pursue, a journey to take, a goal to accomplish. Being entertained and being happy aren’t the same thing, and even if being entertained makes us happy for a time, living a life as a series of entertaining events will not lead to a fulfilling existence.
Maybe your mission is to write a novel, start a podcast, snowboard every resort in Utah, hike the Appalachian Trail, go shopping in Paris, attend the World Cup, produce your own music, or learn how to make sushi in Japan. It may dovetail with your career—or not—but if you find yourself at a moment in life when you’re not sure what exactly you’re doing, that’s where addiction, anxiety, depression, and despair find their opening.
On that point, I heard a great question by Rich Roll in response to Tim Ferriss’ famous question, “if you could put anything on a billboard, what would it be?”
“Who am I becoming?” — Rich Roll
The most meaningful missions of all often involve serving others or contributing to something larger than yourself. Consider how your unique gifts might benefit your community or the world.
6) Take care of your physical health and fitness
It's the only body you have in this life. Treat it with respect, and keep in mind, everyone gets old and so far, Father Time is undefeated.
Prioritize sleep, nutrition, exercise, and preventative healthcare. Your physical wellbeing directly impacts your mental health, productivity, and ability to enjoy life’s pleasures. Small, consistent habits tend to yield better results than periodic extreme efforts.5
7) Embrace gratitude and some version of spirituality
Develop a connection with gratitude, the majesty of life, and the smallness of our experience as individual humans. Whether that means attending church, doing yoga, practicing meditation, or experiencing psychedelics in the mountains a few times in your life, it’s important to remember that we are incredibly lucky to be alive, that the world shines with mystery and splendor, and that our experience in life is but one iteration of billions of others who exist now and who existed before.
Taking time to regularly reflect on what you’re grateful for can transform your outlook and increase your resilience during difficult times. Even simple practices like keeping a gratitude journal or pausing before meals to appreciate your food can have profound effects on your wellbeing.
The last point here is that it’s OK to pray—even if you’re an atheist. Sometimes it just feels good to ask for something to happen, to speak the words into the air or in your mind.
Namaste fam!
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And if you disagree with this, you’re the problem (unless you’re not a heterosexual man or woman, in which case you’re excused).
Until I become rich and famous and then I’ll ignore you and your plight…kidding. If I’m ever lucky enough to have anything good come of this blog/pod, I’ll figure out a way to scale the help I can offer—that’s part of the point after all.
Keep in mind that the more obscure/fringe the online community is, the more you should take some caution in what you’re indulging in—just because someone says something on the internet does not make it true, and there are a lot of bad ideas on Tik-Tok, Reddit, IG, and elsewhere that no sane person whose life was grounded in reality would ever say.
Online dating is terrible—unless you’re a 9 or 10, and then it’s still terrible, but more fun…or so I hear.
I will share my nutrition and exercise tips as they arise, but I’m nowhere near an expert, and there’s so much information out there, I’ll put you, dear reader, in choosing the method of your madness.
How about instead of the point about “having kids…” may I suggest at least “having kids in your life”? Lots of variables between fertility, choice, income, age, etc. that go into that decision. As someone who does not have kids and whose bio clock is not really ticking to have kids, and whose life is full without their own kids…I still see (and have experienced) the benefit of having kids in your life…whether it be nieces or nephews (bio or “adopted”), volunteering for a youth organization, mentoring, etc. having kids in your life to love and pour into even in a non-parental role keeps you young at heart, and the plus side is…if they annoy you…you can send them home to their parents. 😝 There are a lot of kids who need solid adult role models in their lives. I have spent a lot of my life with other people’s kids as a teacher, a youth leader, a mentor, Aunty Seana and “Aunty” Seana and while I think I’ll always wonder what it would be like to be called mom (for real not as a joke) I don’t feel my life is any less meaningful or that I’m “missing out”. I’ve had some pretty awesome beautiful moments with kids who aren’t mine…after all “it takes a village” right? Even without my own kids, I still have a place in that “village” and consider it an incredible honor and privilege. Just a thought 😊